Beth's Box

Living with Grief

25th November 2017

Grief.  It’s something we all encounter at some point in our lives… on many occasions.  Does it ever get any easier though? 

The short answer is “no”.  Although, it does seem to be a feeling you learn to live with.  It never goes away, you never get over it.  But, it accompanies you during your daily life, reminding you that you are only human. 

My Nan passed away in April after a battle with cancer.  Her death wasn’t a shock but we didn’t expect it to happen so soon.  We fully expected her to meet baby Anwen (who was due in May), we fully expected her to be here for her 59th wedding anniversary and my granddad’s birthday (also in May).  We expected to celebrate her birthday (today) and we expected to be having this Christmas with her. 

Unfortunately, none of that was to be.  Fortunately, we had time.  She passed away on the 19th April with all of us by her side.  It was an experience for me.  I had never sat by someone’s side as they took their last breath.  It was devastating but liberating (if that is even the right word).  The feeling I had knowing Nan was no longer hurting, the fear I felt over her dying, was indescribable.  I still cannot find the words to describe those feelings but seeing the pain fade from her face and looking at my Nan, seeing her face transform to the way she was before she became ill, it was an experience that gave me some level of peace. 

Over the last 7 months, I’ve been through so many emotions.  I’ve wandered through the grief in a rather haphazard way.  I know I haven’t completely dealt with it completely, but I will.  In my own time. 

There’s no time limit on grief.  No two people grieve in the same way, at the same time.  There is no one right way to grieve.  Personally, I keep myself busy, something that is easy to do with 5 children.  Just because I don’t go to the cemetery every day, I don’t visit my grand dad every day, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.  My Nan is in my thoughts daily but keeping busy is my coping strategy. 

Today, we celebrated Nan’s 81st birthday.  We celebrated together.  We tied birthday cards around her beautiful headstone.  We all went back to Nan and Bamps’ home and ate party food, cake and just spent time together.  It was a first.  The first birthday we celebrated without her by our sides.  She would have loved it though.  Nan was always at her happiest when we were together… unfortunately, my Uncle was on call and didn’t make it.  🙁

Things are different now.  They aren’t bad, just different.  It’s new to all of us.  We have to find different ways of doing things.  We have to learn how to use our grief in a positive way to bring our family closer together. 

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  • Reply
    Lisa (mummy Gummie)
    2nd December 2017 at 7:36 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your nan. I lost my grandma a couple of years ago and still think about her every day. I think it’s lovely that you celebrated her birthday all together as a family though. X

  • Reply
    29th November 2017 at 11:13 am

    I am sorry to hear about your loss. Grief is hard but time heals. So sorry xx

  • Reply
    29th November 2017 at 8:08 am

    We lost a close family friend earlier this year. She went to the doctor because she was feeling unwell, and was diagnosed with a rate form of aggressive cancer. She passed away 10 days later. It was shocking how suddenly it happened.

  • Reply
    the Frenchie Mummy
    28th November 2017 at 3:23 pm

    The way you celebrate her birthday all together is beautiful. Grief never goes and there are times when you missed a beloved one who is not there but it gets better with time. Well, in my opinion. I wish my grandpa was there to see my Baba, but life decided it was not to be the case. S

  • Reply
    Ana De- Jesus
    27th November 2017 at 9:57 pm

    Grief is never easy and I am so sorry to hear about your loss, your nan sounded like a wonderful woman but I hope that she is at peace now. If you ever need to talk to a virtual stranger drop me a message 🙂 sending love and magical unicorns your way x

  • Reply
    Kat | Kitty & B
    27th November 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Bless you, I lost my grandma when I was 16 and I still think of her and my grandad all the time. Especially after B was born. It doesn’t go but you do learn how you best deal with it and I think the birthday party is a perfect example of doing that!

    Kat x

  • Reply
    Lyndsey O'Halloran
    27th November 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Grief is such a hard thing to deal with and everyone deals with it easier. It does get better with time at least!

  • Reply
    27th November 2017 at 1:52 pm

    Grief is so hard, and I think particularly hard when you’re a parent and you just don’t seem to have the time to grieve properly. I remember feeling that I just didn’t have the time or headspace or grieve properly when my grandfather passed away it was so hard.

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