Dear Enfys – A Letter to a 2 year old

Dear Enfys – A Letter to a 2 year old

Dear Enfys, my beautiful little rainbow,

It’s hard to believe you are a 2 year old.  At 9.54am on Thursday 6th August 2015 you made a rather spectacular entrance into the world. 

You forced me to face two of my biggest fears head on. 

The first, the fear of losing a child.  My child.  The moment we heard your heart rate slow I felt sick to my stomach.  An unborn baby’s heart beat is the most relaxing sound I have heard.  The sound of a slowing unborn baby’s heart is not.  Everything seemed to be in slow motion, including your heart, it was indescribable.  I can hear the sound as clearly now as I did then. 

The second paled in comparison.  A caesarean section was no longer my biggest fear.  Losing you was.  I would have let them cut me open there and then if it meant you were safe.

The last two years have had so many highs and lows.  More highs than lows though.  Watching you deteriorate in front of my eyes was horrendous, but seeing you recover from surgery was priceless.

Since your diagnosis of 22q we haven’t looked back, we’ve had the right care in place and you are thriving.  You are not average and nor will you ever be.  (I’ll tell you a secret, I don’t want you to be average.)

You are such a quiet and gentle soul.  You watch the world go by, content to just do your own thing.  Your world light up when you hear the opening credits of your favourite films.  I adore your personality.

You have overcome so many obstacles in your life.  While you are not following the rules, you are living life your way. 

Enfys, I never imagined bringing up a special needs child.  I didn’t know how special it would be.  It is a privilege to be your Mummy and a privilege to raise you.

You, Enfys, are my special Rainbow.  You are completely unique.

I love you.

Mummy xxx