In December, I had such high hopes for 2016.
I recall saying to Mam the night before surgery that it looked promising for us being home for New Year. I was already busy planning a New Years Day roast with little Rainbow as the focal point and then a new year with the worst of it all behind us. The reality I got was far from that.
Her surgery went well, however, her recovery has not gone as I had planned in my head. As the days ticked past, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and Rainbow was still on the ventilator. My hopes of being home for New Year vanished. They were, instead, replaced by fear, dread and heartbreak.
I spent the days surrounding the New Year completely inconsolable. I was watching my baby’s heart rate fall. I was battling the fear that I was never going to see my baby awake again; I thought my baby was going to die.
By the 2nd January, I was already happy to say goodbye to 2016. My heart felt like it was breaking…
2016 is going to see some big changes for us. We are going to have to adapt to things we never imagined.
We thought we were at the end of Rainbow’s journey but it turns out we are really only at the beginning. The hospital appointments are only just beginning. Instead of only having a cardiology team, Rainbow now has a multi-disciplinary team comprising of Immunology, Speech & Language Therapy, Physiotherapy, Dietetics and goodness only knows who else we will come across in the future.
2016 isn’t going to be the smooth, straightforward year I had imagined. It will be full of challenges and learning curves but it will also be full of love.